Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
