If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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