Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
