I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
