just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
