Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize