Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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