she looked like the before picture.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
