don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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