hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
