Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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