im drinking this country out of the recession.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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