I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
