then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
