I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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