I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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