At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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