guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
