and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
