I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
