Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
In America we eat man semen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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