u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
