Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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