It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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