Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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