i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
