I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's even glitter on my cock...
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