i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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