i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
