I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was born a porn star she said
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
