It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize