just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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