now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
