thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
