Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
