its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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