Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
