My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
