Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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