Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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