Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And then my night got REAL pukey
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
