Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize