I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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