Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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