everyone is single if you try hard enough
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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