they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
