Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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