I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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