"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
