Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
