I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
