New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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