No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
