Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
