quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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