I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize