I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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