evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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