You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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