The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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