hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
