im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
