Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
