I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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