Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
