me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
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My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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