Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
