rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
